I’ll be honest and admit that I had judged my best mate when he decided to leave the Country and leave behind a daughter to his ex-wife who still till this day denies access to his daughter and that of his Parents; the Grandparents.
Although our situations are different, what made me empathise with him was when I too, was “A Monster”. A horrible, manipulative and overbearing husband who took away her rights to speak. That was never the case btw… Even if you ask her yourself today, she would never say such things. Or admit to saying the above.
Apparently how she described our relationship and breakup, was enough for anyone listening to form an opinion of me that it became pointless to speak. Though I didn’t take it laying down. I tried to put my best foot forward each and every time, but that eventually got tiring going up against her cheer squad, and opinionated family.
I ran out of steam and didn’t have anything left in reserves. At that point, empathy had kicked-in for me and I thought of old mate Mike. Again Mike’s situation was different and his reasons for starting a new life overseas, I respect so much more for knowing when to jump ship.
So if you haven’t already read between the lines, you’ll know that my story is not a standard divorce settlement. That alone is hard enough to deal with but then with my children being raised by the very person who constantly disagreed with parenting style which is guided by my culture, my upbringing and core values as is hers, I feel like we did everything we could to repair it, but the families started to speak a bit to loudly!
I know it will eventually get better but I’m seriously terrified of what lays ahead. We weren’t being able to agree on how to raise my 21y/o step son who I had raised since he was 6, and that was a primary reason that broke us apart. The confusion in him is heavily influenced by his Mother and Aunties and it is not what I want for my boys who are still 7 and 11y/o. That’s what happens when double standards are explained to be “ok” for one group of people but not for another group. I did what I could and I see some of my influence in him but it is a twisted opinion and it concerns me.
But I have to do what is right for my young children based on the facts that is in the present and not “look in the revision mirror”.
I am looking for some advice on a solid coping strategy that I can rely on as I have little faith that it will be different for the next two children.
Please help and share some wisdom with me.